Category Archives: Funny

Wine Tastings

I am hosting a couple of wine tastings  soon and so far the easiest part has been choosing the wines! The hard part is what and how much to say about the wines. Having to entertain 10 guests for 2 hours with 6 bottles of wine should be fairly easy, but I like to get it right.

What makes a good tasting? Here is my rough guide to hosting a wine tasting.

  • Get the numbers of guest right. Multiples of 10 is good, everyone gets a good share of the wine then. You should be able to get anywhere between 4 and 15 glasses out of a bottle depending on how generous you are.
  • Select wines that will be interesting and maybe something that
    people will not ordinarily drink. (A tasting is a chance to experience wines that you would not normally try.)
  • Themes can be interesting for example “Chardonnay from around the world”, “Pinks”, “Fizz”, or wines from a specific country or region. For a mixed tasting I like to start with a bit of fizz to help get a fun feel to the evening, two white wines, two red wines and then finish with either a Passito, pudding wine or sweet fizz.
  • Prepare the wines well in advance. (warm white wines will not go down well.)
  • Make sure there is water on the table for your guests.
  • Gauge the knowledge level of your guests. (Some tastings require lots more technical information, others require a more general approach.)
  • Tasting sheets are useful to the guest to note their preferences (and if you are also trying to sell the wines it helps with that too.)
  • Learn about the wines you are showing. Grape variety, region, wine maker, price etc.
  • Add a little humour. (People will remember a funny story about a wine a lot more than they will facts and statistics.)
  • Give people enough time to sample and discuss each wine. (especially if you have given them a generous amount to taste.)
  • Let them know where they can buy these wines if they like them. (or give a competitors name if they don’t like them.)
  • If you are doing food with the tasting then get foods that will enhance the wines not overpower them. Bread sticks or crackers are good, (they help to clean the palate for the next wine.) if you have big tannic red wines then some cheese will help soften the tannins. Serve a little pudding or sweet biscuit with the final wine if it is a pud wine or Passito.
  • Most importantly of all HAVE FUN!

If you live locally then I would be very happy to host a wine tasting for you (if you don’t live nearby why not host your own.) It is a great way to spend an evening. Either way…

TALK TO ME

Alex the Wine Lady

You can leave a message on this site or 

You can follow me on Facebook

or visit the web site for Bat and Bottle or Twitter @alexoharared or email me alexthewinelady@gmail.com

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Filed under Alex the Wine Lady, Bat and Bottle, Funny, Uncategorized, Wine, Wine Tasting

Did you know….?

Did you know….?

  • A single grapevine can produce between 4 and 6 bottles of wine.
  • Every bottle of wine contains just over a Kilo of grapes. (or if Great aunt Maud is reading this, that is about two and a half pounds.)
  • There are over 20 million acres of land planted with vines worldwide. (That will make a lot of wine!)
  • There are about 85 Calories in a glass of red wine. (This means a small glass of about 125ml 5fluid oz) or if you drink the whole bottle about 510 calories.
  • In dry white wine about 77 calories for a small glass or 462 calories for the bottle.
  • Rose wines is about 83 for the glass and 498 for the bottle.
  • Champagne about 90 calories per flute or 540 calories for the whole bottle.
  • There are 520 calories in a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder deluxe and that does not include chips or a drink…. (I know what I would rather have.)
  • Wine is Fat Free – and contains No Cholesterol 
  • A Nebuchadnezzar is the name given to a champagne bottle that holds 15 Litres of Champagne. (but who is strong enough to hold the bottle?)
If you have some fun facts about wine… please share them.

Talk to me

Alex the Wine Lady

You can leave a message on this site or

You can follow me on Facebook

or visit the web site for Bat and Bottle

or Twitter @alexoharared

or email me alexthewinelady@gmail.com

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Filed under Alex the Wine Lady, Bat and Bottle, Funny, Telesales, Wine

‘Not today thank you.’

Selling can be a difficult task – selling over the phone can be horrendous. I have sold wine over the telephone for the last 12 years and I am generally treated very well and with respect but of course I sell a product that most people are interested in… Wine!

I understand that some telesales people are annoying, pushy and bring out our darker side. Many people have their own special ways of dealing with ‘unwanted’ telesales people and listed below are a few ways that you may or may not have used. (Obviously I never get any of these responses – as all my customers are lovely people and they want to hear from me.)

A real classic. Very simple and easy to adapt to whatever it is the telesales person is trying to sell.

Sales man/woman “I am from a  double glazing / health insurance / personal injury / wine company”

Potential customer ‘Oh we have all our windows done / My life is fully insured / I have not had an accident / I am teetotal.’

Simple and to the point. you can hang up then with a clear conscience.

Here however are some slightly more imaginative responses for some of the more annoying telesales people.

“I am not allowed to talk to strangers” Hang up.

“I am not allowed to play with sharp objects… do you like sponges?” await response then hang up. (My husband’s personal favourite)

“I am extremely interested in what you are saying, please continue” then hang up. If they call back repeat and continue until they give up.

“Are you the woman/man having an affair with my husband/wife?” ‘Er No Madam/Sir, I am trying to sell double glazing” Shout “That’s just a cover you are having an affair arn’t you?….” then hang up. (This obviously only works if you are the same sex as the telesales person.)

In response to the question “Hi Madam, how are you today?” I find telling them about all my ailments, past and present, is a great way to get a load off your chest. Then hang up.

“I am recording this conversation and anything you say can and will be used in evidence – continue with your sales pitch.” wait for them to hang up.

The most simple and easy way is “Not today thank you” then hang up.

My personal favourite thing to say to a telesales person is “Oh thank you Alex I will have 2 cases of the white and one of the red please.”

Talk to me

Alex the Wine Lady

You can leave a message on this site or

You can follow me on Facebook

or visit the web site for Bat and Bottle

or Twitter @alexoharared

or email me alexthewinelady@gmail.com

Leave a comment

Filed under Alex the Wine Lady, Bat and Bottle, excuses, Funny, Telesales, Uncategorized, Wine